15

Here we are...15. 

Despite many beautiful moments, experiences, and successes, I don’t think Hallie would describe the last 12 months as “her year.” 

She started high school, and while she has done exceptionally well academically, her introverted personality, “old soul” tendencies, and intolerance for shenanigans - along with the fact that school has never been the foundation on which she's built her social network - have meant she doesn’t quite fit in with her freshman peers. 

She continued to dance - primarily ballet, but also contemporary ballet, jazz, and hip hop - and while she achieved a glorious goal so far-reaching she didn’t dare speak it, she also dealt with a number of disappointments and frustrations.

She continued to sing, and while her daily training translated to improved technique and confidence as a choir member, she didn't find a community within choir as she - and I - hoped she would.

She developed a balanced and mutually enjoyable relationship with Will - seeming to catch (pass? 😂) him in many ways maturity-wise - just in time to realize how little time she has left with him at home. 

She is facing a couple of tough decisions in the weeks and months to come, and while I truly believe that growth and goodness will follow her down whichever path she chooses, the fact that she has to make these choices at all is weighing heavily on her shoulders. 

She is strong and brave and capable, but she is looking for easier, brighter days.

~

12 years ago I began the tradition (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023) of sharing a song - one that reminds me of her and encompasses what I hope for her as she grows older - with Hallie on her birthday. I chose this year's song only a couple of weeks ago, and I came across it accidentally, when I was cleaning out my phone photo album and came across a video that Hallie and her bestie, Avery, had filmed on my phone more than a year ago.

Ooh child

Things are gonna get easier

Ooh child

Things'll get brighter

Some day, yeah

We'll put it together and we'll get it undone

Some day

When your head is much lighter

Some day, yeah

We'll walk in the rays of the beautiful sun

Some day

When the world is much brighter

As much as I hope for easier, brighter days, I know this outcome isn't promised to any of us. There will be easier and brighter times, yes. But there will also be hard times. There will be dim and even dark times. 

But my girl - my tiny firecracker who grew into a kind, compassionate, trustworthy, open-minded, introverted old soul (with the tiniest spark of rebellion) - can do this. She is strong and brave and more capable than she knows, and she is well on her way to being ready for everything the world will undoubtedly throw at her. But that doesn't mean I won't keep hoping for easier, brighter days so she can bask in the sun.