Grown, But Not Really

Today he turns 18.

Today he is grown, except not really. 

When we found out at our 20-week ultrasound that he was a boy, I was terrified. As a girl myself (stating the obvious, I know) and growing up with only a sister, giving birth to and raising a boy child seemed as incomprehensible and daunting as giving birth to and raising a platypus. 

He turned out to be nothing like a platypus, thank goodness, and I quickly adapted to and grew to love being a boy mom...so much so that when we found out Hallie was a girl, I cried with disappointment. 

When he turned five, I remember feeling so distressed that he wasn't able to immediately start kindergarten. He was academically ready, but because his birthday fell in October, he missed the September cut off date and would have to wait until the following August - when he would be still five but almost six - to enroll in elementary school. 

12 years later, I'm tremendously grateful he didn't start kindergarten the year he turned five, because now I have more time with him at home. 

Yes, he directly and indirectly presented me with some of the bigger challenges in my life: postpartum depression, potty training, life-threatening food allergies, virtual learning, parent-led driver's education, sports injuries, and college applications. (Learning oral hygiene and time management skills, as well as teenage driving in general, should probably have a spot on that list as well.) But the privilege of being his mom has ALWAYS been greater than any challenge, hardship, or inconvenience I've faced. 

He is everything I never knew I wanted and needed. He completed me in a way I didn't expect. Every single day with him has been a gift...and these "extra" days I will have this year are the cherry on top.

~

my son,

I used to have to bend down

to pick you up.

your little chubby arms reached up for me

you chubby fingers stretched wide.

now, I have to tilt my head upwards

and I'm not sure when that happened.

we used to sit and play with tiny cars

and now you help me carry in groceries

and make me laugh until I cry.

you have taught me so much

about life and myself.

we grew together,

you and I

thank you

for the most beautiful journey

I have been on.

~ Jessica Jocelyn

I don't understand how it's possible he's nearly grown, but I do understand how incredibly lucky I am to have had a front row seat for the last 18 years. I hope he can feel it.

~

Happy 18th birthday, Will. I love you to the moon and back plus infinity times a million with a cherry on top.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

 

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

You Can Always Come Home

Eight or nine years ago, I decided to begin compiling a - for lack of a better name - "life lessons list" to share with Will on his 18th birthday...which, as hard as it is to believe, will arrive in just three short days.

Throughout the last nearly decade, I've added and deleted and expanded and condensed and edited, all in the name of creating a list that is uniquely ours: his and mine. I wanted this list to reflect not just what I know from experience to be true and important, but also what I think he specifically needs to know and remember as he embarks on adulthood.

I can't imagine he'll put much stock in what I've written right now - he is, after all, still a teenage boy - but maybe a handful of these pearls of wisdom will take up residence in his memory and he'll be able to recall them when he finds himself in a tough situation. And then, someday when he's older and wiser and he's lived a little more life, he'll look back on this list and realize that sometimes I actually knew what I was talking about feel the love I poured into its creation. 

~

Work hard and be kind. 

When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

Never turn down a breath mint.

Do your job...plus a little more.

Give credit, take blame. 

If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

If you're going to curse, do it correctly. 

If you're going to curse in public, know your audience.

Early is on time, and on time is late.

After writing an angry email, read it carefully...and then delete it.

Show up for your family. Show up for your friends.

One bad moment doesn't make a bad day. One bad day doesn't make a bad life.

Everything is figure-out-able.

Protect your health - physical and mental - above all else. 

Never hit "send" or "post" after having a drink.

Open doors for people.

Say please, thank you, and excuse me.

Reserve "I'm sorry" for when you really mean it.

Balance confidence and humility.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Just because someone else is doing it doesn't make it right.

Throw away underwear and socks with holes in them. 

Shake hands and hug like you mean it.

Make eye contact.

Offer your seat to anyone older or less healthy than you.

Put your phone away.

Put your napkin on your lap.

Never post anything on the internet you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing in a job interview, on a first date, or with your mom.

Birth control isn't 100% effective. 

If you have an opinion, you'd better know why. 

Mean what you say and say what you mean. 

You have enough. 

You are enough.

Your body, your rules.

Someone else's body, their rules.

Be like a duck: let "stuff" roll off your back, remain calm on the surface, and paddle like crazy underneath.

Cry when you feel like crying, and don't ever let anyone tell you that men shouldn't express emotion in this or any other way.

Before you get married, discuss bills, parenting styles, credit, debt, religion, how to deal with family, what beliefs will be instilled in your children, childhood traumas, sexual expectations, partner expectations, financial expectations, family health history, mental health history, bucket lists, dream homes, careers and education, and political views. Love alone is not enough.

Last but not least...

YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME.

If the relationship doesn't work, come home.

If the bills become too much, come home.

If your mental or physical health isn't good, come home.

If you feel sad or alone, come home.

No matter where you are or how old you are, you can always come home. I will always be your home.