Today he turns 18.
Today he is grown, except not really.
When we found out at our 20-week ultrasound that he was a boy, I was terrified. As a girl myself (stating the obvious, I know) and growing up with only a sister, giving birth to and raising a boy child seemed as incomprehensible and daunting as giving birth to and raising a platypus.
He turned out to be nothing like a platypus, thank goodness, and I quickly adapted to and grew to love being a boy mom...so much so that when we found out Hallie was a girl, I cried with disappointment.
When he turned five, I remember feeling so distressed that he wasn't able to immediately start kindergarten. He was academically ready, but because his birthday fell in October, he missed the September cut off date and would have to wait until the following August - when he would be still five but almost six - to enroll in elementary school.
12 years later, I'm tremendously grateful he didn't start kindergarten the year he turned five, because now I have more time with him at home.
Yes, he directly and indirectly presented me with some of the bigger challenges in my life: postpartum depression, potty training, life-threatening food allergies, virtual learning, parent-led driver's education, sports injuries, and college applications. (Learning oral hygiene and time management skills, as well as teenage driving in general, should probably have a spot on that list as well.) But the privilege of being his mom has ALWAYS been greater than any challenge, hardship, or inconvenience I've faced.
He is everything I never knew I wanted and needed. He completed me in a way I didn't expect. Every single day with him has been a gift...and these "extra" days I will have this year are the cherry on top.
~
my son,
I used to have to bend down
to pick you up.
your little chubby arms reached up for me
you chubby fingers stretched wide.
now, I have to tilt my head upwards
and I'm not sure when that happened.
we used to sit and play with tiny cars
and now you help me carry in groceries
and make me laugh until I cry.
you have taught me so much
about life and myself.
we grew together,
you and I
thank you
for the most beautiful journey
I have been on.
~ Jessica Jocelyn
I don't understand how it's possible he's nearly grown, but I do understand how incredibly lucky I am to have had a front row seat for the last 18 years. I hope he can feel it.
~
Happy 18th birthday, Will. I love you to the moon and back plus infinity times a million with a cherry on top.