Grown, But Not Really

Today he turns 18.

Today he is grown, except not really. 

When we found out at our 20-week ultrasound that he was a boy, I was terrified. As a girl myself (stating the obvious, I know) and growing up with only a sister, giving birth to and raising a boy child seemed as incomprehensible and daunting as giving birth to and raising a platypus. 

He turned out to be nothing like a platypus, thank goodness, and I quickly adapted to and grew to love being a boy mom...so much so that when we found out Hallie was a girl, I cried with disappointment. 

When he turned five, I remember feeling so distressed that he wasn't able to immediately start kindergarten. He was academically ready, but because his birthday fell in October, he missed the September cut off date and would have to wait until the following August - when he would be still five but almost six - to enroll in elementary school. 

12 years later, I'm tremendously grateful he didn't start kindergarten the year he turned five, because now I have more time with him at home. 

Yes, he directly and indirectly presented me with some of the bigger challenges in my life: postpartum depression, potty training, life-threatening food allergies, virtual learning, parent-led driver's education, sports injuries, and college applications. (Learning oral hygiene and time management skills, as well as teenage driving in general, should probably have a spot on that list as well.) But the privilege of being his mom has ALWAYS been greater than any challenge, hardship, or inconvenience I've faced. 

He is everything I never knew I wanted and needed. He completed me in a way I didn't expect. Every single day with him has been a gift...and these "extra" days I will have this year are the cherry on top.

~

my son,

I used to have to bend down

to pick you up.

your little chubby arms reached up for me

you chubby fingers stretched wide.

now, I have to tilt my head upwards

and I'm not sure when that happened.

we used to sit and play with tiny cars

and now you help me carry in groceries

and make me laugh until I cry.

you have taught me so much

about life and myself.

we grew together,

you and I

thank you

for the most beautiful journey

I have been on.

~ Jessica Jocelyn

I don't understand how it's possible he's nearly grown, but I do understand how incredibly lucky I am to have had a front row seat for the last 18 years. I hope he can feel it.

~

Happy 18th birthday, Will. I love you to the moon and back plus infinity times a million with a cherry on top.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

 

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

You Can Always Come Home

Eight or nine years ago, I decided to begin compiling a - for lack of a better name - "life lessons list" to share with Will on his 18th birthday...which, as hard as it is to believe, will arrive in just three short days.

Throughout the last nearly decade, I've added and deleted and expanded and condensed and edited, all in the name of creating a list that is uniquely ours: his and mine. I wanted this list to reflect not just what I know from experience to be true and important, but also what I think he specifically needs to know and remember as he embarks on adulthood.

I can't imagine he'll put much stock in what I've written right now - he is, after all, still a teenage boy - but maybe a handful of these pearls of wisdom will take up residence in his memory and he'll be able to recall them when he finds himself in a tough situation. And then, someday when he's older and wiser and he's lived a little more life, he'll look back on this list and realize that sometimes I actually knew what I was talking about feel the love I poured into its creation. 

~

Work hard and be kind. 

When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

Never turn down a breath mint.

Do your job...plus a little more.

Give credit, take blame. 

If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

If you're going to curse, do it correctly. 

If you're going to curse in public, know your audience.

Early is on time, and on time is late.

After writing an angry email, read it carefully...and then delete it.

Show up for your family. Show up for your friends.

One bad moment doesn't make a bad day. One bad day doesn't make a bad life.

Everything is figure-out-able.

Protect your health - physical and mental - above all else. 

Never hit "send" or "post" after having a drink.

Open doors for people.

Say please, thank you, and excuse me.

Reserve "I'm sorry" for when you really mean it.

Balance confidence and humility.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Just because someone else is doing it doesn't make it right.

Throw away underwear and socks with holes in them. 

Shake hands and hug like you mean it.

Make eye contact.

Offer your seat to anyone older or less healthy than you.

Put your phone away.

Put your napkin on your lap.

Never post anything on the internet you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing in a job interview, on a first date, or with your mom.

Birth control isn't 100% effective. 

If you have an opinion, you'd better know why. 

Mean what you say and say what you mean. 

You have enough. 

You are enough.

Your body, your rules.

Someone else's body, their rules.

Be like a duck: let "stuff" roll off your back, remain calm on the surface, and paddle like crazy underneath.

Cry when you feel like crying, and don't ever let anyone tell you that men shouldn't express emotion in this or any other way.

Before you get married, discuss bills, parenting styles, credit, debt, religion, how to deal with family, what beliefs will be instilled in your children, childhood traumas, sexual expectations, partner expectations, financial expectations, family health history, mental health history, bucket lists, dream homes, careers and education, and political views. Love alone is not enough.

Last but not least...

YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME.

If the relationship doesn't work, come home.

If the bills become too much, come home.

If your mental or physical health isn't good, come home.

If you feel sad or alone, come home.

No matter where you are or how old you are, you can always come home. I will always be your home. 

High Five for Friday (9.27.24)

 

Another week of less-than-stellar news and roadblocks, but we're chugging along, high fiving each other when whenever and wherever it makes sense to do so.

One

Will has been dealing with a pretty serious back injury (more on that in a future post, when I have the bandwidth to talk through the ups and downs of the diagnosis), and while he's still far from recovered, this week he was able to start physical therapy. I'm so grateful for his positive attitude and commitment to doing everything in his power both to heal and to get back on the field with his teammates.

Two

Last Friday's "Night Lights" was one for the books. 

• Our high school (A&M Consolidated) beat crosstown opponent (College Station) after six straight losses in this rivalry match up. After going toe to toe for three quarters, Consol pulled away in the fourth to bring home the victory. Will said it was the most exciting football game he's ever attended.
• My friend Kristen, who moved away back in July, made a spontaneous trip to College Station for the game. I didn't get to spend much time with her, but I did get to hug her which made me happy.
• Hallie's friend Kara, who moved away in August, also came back to College Station last weekend. She surprised Hallie, Avery, and Abby when she showed up at the game, and their reunification was so sweet.

Three

On Saturday night - after an 8.5-hour day of Nutcracker-ing - we had Hallie's headshots taken for the Nutcracker program. Per usual, "the Ashleys" (Siegert of Fig-Mint Photography and Lindsey of Ashley Lindsey Photography) did a fantastic job and I can't wait to share it...next week! 😉

Four

On Sunday afternoon we assembled Hallie and friends' mums for homecoming! Consol's HOCO isn't until the end of October, but College Station's HOCO is this weekend so we needed to finish these accessories ahead of tomorrow night's dance. 

They missed Kara...

Five

These two little babes moved on to another foster, but they're still available for adoption if you'd like to add an adorably tail-less tuxedo or a chatty adventurer to your family!

Happy weekend, friends!

Monthly Medley: September 2024

 

This month's Monthly Medley is coming to you a little early, since next week's posts are reserved for my (soon-to-be) 18-year-old man-child.

Reading

Zero Days by Ruth Ware definitely wasn't my favorite of her thrillers, but it certainly wasn't a bad read if you like mysteries (which I do). I think my biggest beef with the story was that Ware's descriptions of events, activities, encounters, escapes, etc. were frequently too long and detailed. I love an author who paints a picture with her words...whose descriptions are so good that you can imagine yourself in the scene and feel like you're walking alongside the protagonist. But at some point, the character is just "climbing a ladder," and that process shouldn't take four pages to explain.  

I also read First Comes Love (I know, two books in one month, and September isn't even over yet!) by Emily Giffin. I used to read all of Giffin's books as soon as they were released, but it had been probably three years since I'd picked up one of her novels. This emotionally challenging yet endearing and completely relatable (at least to anyone who has siblings) story about all different kinds of love hit the spot for me in between suspenseful mysteries.

Watching

This month I watched the Netflix documentary Sign Stealer, as well as The Perfect Couple, a Netflix short series. Sign Stealer was average, but I loved The Perfect Couple and was sad when it ended after only six episodes. 

I also watched and enjoyed the pilot of High Potential staring Kaitlin Olson in a role completely different from everything I've seen her in before. I'm looking forward when the next episode of this new show comes out next week, as well as when all of the networks' new fall shows start dropping!

Listening To

I tried three new podcasts this month, but none of them stuck, which is kind of a shame because I'm a little tired of my usual podcasts. I continue trying new podcasts next month, so hopefully I'll have something new to report at the end of October!

Following

I've been thoroughly enjoying Emily Vondy (@emilyvondy), a video creator whose specialty is "motherhood in all it's wild glory." She's funny and creative and honest and I wish I'd followed her when my kids were younger.

Wearing

This was a month for new shoes - I "accidentally" picked up three pairs at DSW while on a shoe shopping trip with/or Tom. 

• I'd been looking for a pair of maroon sneakers to wear to high school, club soccer, and Aggie sporting events (yep, they're all maroon), and this pair kind of fell into my lap. They're comfortable and cute, and I LOVE the pink laces. 
• I'd also been looking for a slide or loafer for fall, and this driving loafer (I chose tan) fit the bill. The best features of these shoes are its arch supports and cushy sole, which took them up a notch compared to other loafers I've tried on recently.
• I wasn't looking for this last pair, but these Mary Jane flats (I chose taupe) were on super clearance so I decided to give them a try. I was worried that either I couldn't pull them off or they'd age me, but they felt pretty good and Hallie told me I didn't look stupid when I wore them for the first time.

Trying/Using

This set of three pairs of sunglasses could fall into this category or the one above, but since I bought and highlighted three pairs of shoes already, we'll put it here. I wear out my sunglasses - the result of just wearing them A LOT - pretty regularly, so I'm always looking for inexpensive new pairs to add to my stash. They're obviously not the highest quality available, but they're polarized, lightweight, and comfortable, and they get the job done at a very reasonable price!

At just $6, I couldn't afford not to try this under eye brightener (with hyaluronic acid and shea butter). I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it actually does make my under eye area look brighter, which contributes to me looking more awake...even when I don't feel that way.

Eating/Drinking

Our only new recipe worth sharing this month is this fudge-filled vanilla bundt cake. Hallie actually served as head chef on this one (the two new recipes I tried didn't make it to the keep/share list), and while she followed the recipe exactly with a delicious result, she has one edit she'd try if making the cake again. We both thought it was a little weird that there was sugar in the cake and in the glaze but not in the filling, so if she were to do it over again, she'd cut the amount of sugar in the cake a little and add that amount of sugar to the filling. 

Smiling About

• The world's most entertaining (dramatic? flamboyant? fabulous?) referee. I would love to watch this guy work.
• This dog needs a kiss on his nose before each meal. Oh, my heart.
• Turns out middle schoolers get the zoomies too. I've saw Will do every single one of these during his 6th - 10th grade years.
• This view of Stephen Nedoroscik's ("Pommel Horse Man") teammates watching him compete his routine and secure the bronze medal for team USA.

Happy fall, y'all!

Just kidding. It's not fall here.

High Five for Friday (9.20.24)

 

A couple of times a year I introduce a High Five for Friday post with a disclaimer of sorts, a reminder that while most weeks offer a reason(s) to high five, most weeks aren't made up of only high fives...and some weeks are nearly void of high fives altogether. I don't ever want to give the impression that I'm not deep in the trenches of motherhood and marriage and work and health alongside of those who read these posts. 

HFFF posts help me focus on the good things, which I find especially important when those good things are happening in the midst of - nearly buried by - a bunch of crappy, stressful, anxiety-inducing things. The last week or so has felt pretty heavy for me, and if that's the case for you as well, know that I'm thinking about you and hoping you can find something to high five about too. 

One

How did we get here?

Two

I couldn't possibly be prouder of him.

Three

No one loves the rain like she does. It's one of my top five favorite things about her. 

Four

Tom was at a conference in Phoenix for the better part of last week, and while there, he was able to spend time with a few of his friends from graduate school. 

Tom met Neal and Dan back when we lived in Ann Arbor and they were all working on their master's degrees and PhDs at the University of Michigan. Neal and Dan have known our kids since they were born, and were with us through the first almost four years of Will's life and 18 months of Hallie's; they hung out with the kids frequently, and even babysat a time or two. While Neal and Dan don't know the kids at their current ages, they certainly remember them, so when the three guys sent me this picture...

...I sent them back these pictures - plus the picture above of Will in his cap and gown - to remind us all how old we really are.

Five

Happiness Highlights

She convinced him to play in the rain with her
too - they raced "boats" (popsicle sticks) in the
street streams until the water stopped flowing.

Fake Fall arrived and stuck around
for one AMAZING morning. (Spoiler:
summer quickly returned.) 

A friend/teammate of Will's set up this net on a cement
slab in the middle of a field near our house. (There used to
be something on this slab, but whatever it was came down
when the field was "relandscaped" for drainage.) I love that
he figured out a way to actually use the slab, as the field
sitting empty has always been a beef of mine.  

She was NOT fooled by the "make a box-shaped square on the
floor so your cat will sit in it like it's a box" trick. She's too smart... 

Senior breakfast for orchestra kids - looks like fun! 

A good (and well deserving) friend of Will's
was featured on Classroom Champions! If you
looked hard enough during the video footage of
Ben in math class, you can see Will sitting a
couple of rows back. 😂)

Friday Night Lights! We're loving watching
Hallie's friend Abby CRUSH this new adventure!

 Sunday night - family game night - on the porch,
under the lights, after the rain. Perfection.

Over the summer, lightning struck the kids' high school's auditorium.
Repairs will take place soon, but because the sound/light systems aren't
fixed yet, the first choir concert of the year was moved to a local church.
The kids sounded great, and we enjoyed both the concert and our
family dinner out afterwards.

Friends who know how challenging your week has
been and bring cake to you while you're working = 😍

Happy weekend, friends!