13

Today she turns 13. 

It hardly seems possible, given that (it feels like) these pictures were taken just yesterday.

This year I held on to two short stories that I think sum up Hallie...the kind of person she is deep down inside, the shape of her heart, what she has begun to share and I hope will continue sharing with the world.

Hallie has a Six Kittens Rescue (the organization through which we foster) shirt with an inclusive rainbow kitten on it. She wears it regularly as it's one of her favorites, but on this day, she and her bestie, Kara, chose to wear their matching SKR shirts to school because of something unkind another student had said the day prior. Throughout the course of the day, FOUR different students approached Hallie, told her they liked her shirt, and - because they trusted her to be a safe space - shared with her some version or piece of their personal story. In every instance, Hallie listened and then responded with kindness and acceptance. She is ally in every sense of the word, and tries tremendously hard to lead with compassion.

There is another student at Hallie's middle school with Tourette's. Hallie doesn't know the student personally, only that she's the friend of a friend and that she - on occasion - works alone in the library because of her vocal tics. One day Hallie was in the library at the same time as this student, and while the student was working, she was also experiencing a number of tics. Hallie saw and heard two other students making fun of her, so she marched up to them and spat out, "that is NOT something to laugh about!" When she told me what happened, she explained that the behavior had made her SO angry that she just had to say something, even though she wasn't supposed to talk in the library. She's a rule follower, my girl, but she also isn't afraid to stand next to or up for those who need her support.

~

This thirteenth year was not an easy one, for Hallie or for me as her mother. 

Puberty is hard. Wild hormones and intense emotions. Physical changes and brain "remodeling". Shifts in identity, self-consciousness, sensitivity, values. Growth in independence, responsibility, decision-making. More changes than she could have imagined and than I remembered from my own experience. As one who has no desire to grow up, Hallie has not enjoyed this phase of life. And just like with middle school, she has stumbled and fallen quite a few times. But because she is willing push forward even when things are hard, she is emerging at the end of her 13th year with a strong, healthy, beautiful mind and body; a wide variety of interests and talents; two best and many lovely dance friends; and both an understanding and an acceptance of where life is taking her. 

Middle school is hard. More homework, more challenging assignments, more studying for tests. Interacting with teachers without (or with less) parental involvement, learning how to get and stay organized, balancing academics with extracurriculars. Meeting new people, adapting to changes in existing friendships, navigating a complicated social hierarchy. She has stumbled plenty of times, and she even fell once or twice. But because she is willing to push forward even when things are hard, she is emerging at the end of 7th grade with excellent grades, a few good school friends, productive and positive relationships with all of her teachers, and a reputation for respecting and accepting ALL kids. 

Dance is hard. Auditions, casting, leveling, placements. Constantly comparing oneself to others, frequently feeling not quite good enough, on occasion feeling like a failure. Achy joints, pulled muscles, strains and sprains, broken bones followed by braces, boots, physical therapy. Literal blood, sweat, and tears. She has stumbled and fallen more frequently here than anywhere else. But because she is willing to push forward even when things are hard, she is emerging at the end of her ninth (?!) year of dance still in love with the sport and willing to do what it takes to stay in the game.

~

10 years ago I began the tradition (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021) of sharing a song - one that reminds me of her and encompasses what I hope for her as she grows older - with Hallie on her birthday. Two months ago I was listening to my first-ever episode of Glennon Doyle's "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast. When the podcast wrapped, I lifted my phone to close the app. But just as I did so, music started playing and I decided the lead-in was interesting enough to keep me listening just a little while longer. I knew by the end of the first verse that "We Can Do Hard Things" - written and performed by Glennon's daughter, Tish Melton - was Hallie's song. 

I walked through fire, I came out the other side

I chased desire, I made sure I got what's mine

And I continued to believe

That I'm the one for me

And because I'm mine, I walk the line

'Cause we're adventurers and heartbreak's our map

A final destination we lack

We stopped asking directions

To places they've never been

And to be loved, we need to be known

We'll finally find our way back home

And through the joy and pain, that our lives bring

We can do hard things

I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new start

I'm not the problem, sometimes things fall apart

And I continued to believe

The best people are free

And it took some time, but I'm finally fine

'Cause we're adventurers and heartbreak's our map

A final destination we lack

We stopped asking directions

To places they've never been

And to be loved, we need to be known

We'll finally find our way back home

And through the joy and pain, that our lives bring

We can do hard things

'Cause we're adventurers and heartbreak's our map

We might get lost but we're ok with that

We stopped asking directions

To places they've never been

And to be loved, we need to be known

We'll finally find our way back home

And through the joy and pain, that our lives bring

We can do hard things

My sweet girl, you can stumble and keep moving forward. You can fall and get back up again. You were made to be loved - to be known - exactly as you are: strong and brave and beautiful...and capable of doing all the hard things. 

Happy 13th birthday, baby girl. I love you.

~

This post will take the place of Tuesday's regular post. See you next Friday!