Today my dancing queen turns 17.
I don't understand how it's possible she's nearly grown, but I do understand how incredibly lucky I am to have had a front row seat for the last 17 years.
~
Junior year is hard...maybe the hardest of all of the high school years. In addition to tackling more difficult courses, kids - Hallie and almost everyone she knows - are cramming in additional extracurricular activities, taking on leadership roles in existing extracurricular activities, preparing for and taking the SAT and/or ACT, visiting colleges and universities, trying to figure out what they want to major in, and lining up summer work, internships, and/or intensives. The load is heavy, the toll is significant, and the fear of the unknown - of not knowing "what's next" - is constant.
Junior year has felt especially challenging for Hallie, who - since she could verbally express her feelings - has had absolutely no interest in growing older. I write this about Hallie every year, but it continues to ring true: in a wise-beyond-her-years kind of way, she has always known just how precious and fleeting her childhood years are and that she can never go back. With the end of high school now visible on the horizon...with the last firsts and the first lasts about to begin...there is no stopping this bullet train speeding toward adulthood.
~
In some respects, Hallie hasn't changed much this year. She still prefers smaller, intimate gatherings with her closest friends over large, rowdy social events. She still shines on stage but doesn't like attention directed at her in other settings. She still enjoys quiet evenings at home, baking sweets, snuggling with her cats, and watching her favorite television shows and movies over and over again. She still cares deeply for people, animals, the earth, humanity...and even on her hardest days, her tender heart can still find the good. She still reminds me - almost daily - not to count her out or underestimate her.
In other respects, Hallie has changed tremendously this year. She forced herself farther outside of her comfort zone than I've ever seen her go: she auditioned for and received an incredible role in her high school's musical, auditioned for and made it into her high school's acapella group, and is auditioning and applying for other performances and leadership positions. She took on a daunting lead role in The Nutcracker and took her first solo to competition. She got her driver's license (which I wasn't sure would ever happen), and is learning to drive a stick shift. She made quite a few difficult decisions about what she wants to focus on and work toward this summer. And now she's visiting colleges and universities with a (nervous) smile on her face, and trying as hard as she can to figure out where she wants to go and what she wants to do following graduation.
Hallie misses Will a lot. Last year brought them closer together, which made saying goodbye - and then suddenly being the only child at home - even more difficult. They have succeeded at maintaining a strong long-distance relationship though, and I have LOVED watching and listening to them support each other through the hard parts of junior year of high school and freshman year of college. I've also loved watching and listening to them continue to have fun together, both over the phone and in person when they've been together...what a gift they are to each other and to me as their mom.
~
14 years ago I began the tradition (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025) of sharing a song - one that reminds me of her and encompasses what I hope for her as she grows older - with Hallie on her birthday. I'm not sure a better song has ever been written for this purpose, as this one so perfectly expresses both what I wish for Hallie and how beautifully pivotal it is for girls - especially those teetering on the edge of childhood - to have friends...and moms...in their corners, cheering them on.
Girls
Hope you always know your worth, though I know that life can hurt
Hope you know that you can turn to each other
Hope you learn to trust your voice, make mistakes and make some noise
Hope you never lose your joy or your hunger
Girls you were born to run,
To reach the stars and chase the sun
Girls, you are wild and free
The wind is at your back, the world is at your feet
Sometimes life can feel unfair, broken hearts you can't repair
Sometimes you might be scared that no one gets you
It's not easy being brave when tears are falling down your face
But that's how you'll find your strength so I'll let you
Someday friends might turn their back, falling leaves might hide your path
You'll try hard, might come in last, but just around the corner...
You'll move mountains, you'll make waves
You'll be fearless, you'll be brave
They'll be nothing you can't face
Hope you always know your worth, though I know that life can hurt
Hope you know that you can turn to each other
Hope the road ahead is clear, and I hope you know when I'm not here
That you'll always have the love of your mother
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