Our Dancing Queen is 17

Today my dancing queen turns 17.

I don't understand how it's possible she's nearly grown, but I do understand how incredibly lucky I am to have had a front row seat for the last 17 years. 

~

Junior year is hard...maybe the hardest of all of the high school years. In addition to tackling more difficult courses, kids - Hallie and almost everyone she knows - are cramming in additional extracurricular activities, taking on leadership roles in existing extracurricular activities, preparing for and taking the SAT and/or ACT, visiting colleges and universities, trying to figure out what they want to major in, and lining up summer work, internships, and/or intensives. The load is heavy, the toll is significant, and the fear of the unknown - of not knowing "what's next" - is constant.

Junior year has felt especially challenging for Hallie, who - since she could verbally express her feelings - has had absolutely no interest in growing older. I write this about Hallie every year, but it continues to ring true: in a wise-beyond-her-years kind of way, she has always known just how precious and fleeting her childhood years are and that she can never go back. With the end of high school now visible on the horizon...with the last firsts and the first lasts about to begin...there is no stopping this bullet train speeding toward adulthood.

~  

In some respects, Hallie hasn't changed much this year. She still prefers smaller, intimate gatherings with her closest friends over large, rowdy social events. She still shines on stage but doesn't like attention directed at her in other settings. She still enjoys quiet evenings at home, baking sweets, snuggling with her cats, and watching her favorite television shows and movies over and over again. She still cares deeply for people, animals, the earth, humanity...and even on her hardest days, her tender heart can still find the good. She still reminds me - almost daily - not to count her out or underestimate her. 

In other respects, Hallie has changed tremendously this year. She forced herself farther outside of her comfort zone than I've ever seen her go: she auditioned for and received an incredible role in her high school's musical, auditioned for and made it into her high school's acapella group, and is auditioning and applying for other performances and leadership positions. She took on a daunting lead role in The Nutcracker and took her first solo to competition. She got her driver's license (which I wasn't sure would ever happen), and is learning to drive a stick shift. She made quite a few difficult decisions about what she wants to focus on and work toward this summer. And now she's visiting colleges and universities with a (nervous) smile on her face, and trying as hard as she can to figure out where she wants to go and what she wants to do following graduation. 

Hallie misses Will a lot. Last year brought them closer together, which made saying goodbye - and then suddenly being the only child at home - even more difficult. They have succeeded at maintaining a strong long-distance relationship though, and I have LOVED watching and listening to them support each other through the hard parts of junior year of high school and freshman year of college. I've also loved watching and listening to them continue to have fun together, both over the phone and in person when they've been together...what a gift they are to each other and to me as their mom. 

~

14 years ago I began the tradition (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025) of sharing a song - one that reminds me of her and encompasses what I hope for her as she grows older - with Hallie on her birthday. I'm not sure a better song has ever been written for this purpose, as this one so perfectly expresses both what I wish for Hallie and how beautifully pivotal it is for girls - especially those teetering on the edge of childhood - to have friends...and moms...in their corners, cheering them on. 

             

Girls

Hope you always know your worth, though I know that life can hurt

Hope you know that you can turn to each other

Hope you learn to trust your voice, make mistakes and make some noise

Hope you never lose your joy or your hunger

Girls you were born to run, 

To reach the stars and chase the sun

Girls, you are wild and free

The wind is at your back, the world is at your feet

Sometimes life can feel unfair, broken hearts you can't repair

Sometimes you might be scared that no one gets you

It's not easy being brave when tears are falling down your face

But that's how you'll find your strength so I'll let you

Someday friends might turn their back, falling leaves might hide your path

You'll try hard, might come in last, but just around the corner...

You'll move mountains, you'll make waves

You'll be fearless, you'll be brave

They'll be nothing you can't face 

Hope you always know your worth, though I know that life can hurt

Hope you know that you can turn to each other

Hope the road ahead is clear, and I hope you know when I'm not here

That you'll always have the love of your mother

Playing Catch Up: Go Hawkeyes

After a college applications process that felt more like a nauseating rollercoaster ride than an effort to gain access to an institute of higher learning, Will decided to attend the University of Iowa to study biomedical engineering. 

While Tom and I didn't push Will toward the University of Iowa, when he made his decision we found ourselves looking forward to having both another Hawkeye in the family and a reason to visit our old stomping grounds more frequently. 

Interestingly, while we've seen Will a number of times since he started college, I haven't been there a single time and Tom has only been there once since we dropped him off. Last fall, he flew home in October for a disc golf tournament, we watched him play two soccer games in Chicago, we saw him in Madison for Thanksgiving, he flew home for The Nutcracker, and then he came home for a wonderfully long winter break. A couple of weeks ago, Tom drove up north to see his family and then road-tripped back to College Station with Will for spring break. We may see him another time at a destination other than Iowa City for soccer games and we're hoping to attend a concert of his on campus, but then the semester will be over. Realizing he's less than two months away from finishing his first year of college is mind-blowing.

He's enjoyed (most of) and done well in his classes, and is starting to look into tutoring/TA positions for the future. He's happy to have found a way to continue playing fairly competitive soccer and figured out how to get to all of the local disc golf courses. (He doesn't have his car at school because of the less-than-ideal parking situation on campus.) He loves the world of intramural sports, through which he has played soccer, futsal, volleyball, flag football, spikeball, and ping pong. He's tried - and continues to attend gatherings for - many different clubs and activities: debate club, roller skating, bingo, and trivia, board game, and movie nights, to name a few. After watching Hallie and friends in Hadestown in January, he returned to college inspired, practiced for a week, and tried out for the men's acapella group...and made it. Singing in a choir - especially an acapella one - is WAY outside of Will's comfort zone but he's had a lot of fun and has enjoyed connecting with Hallie over this shared interest.

It's impossible to know, when choosing a college, university, or post-high school path, if you are - or your child is - making the right decision. I'm grateful it seems like Will has found where he's supposed to be, at least for now.

Here's a glimpse into his first year at the University of Iowa:

Go Hawks!

Playing Catch Up: The Last One

Last year Will's club soccer team qualified for the National Cup Finals, held every summer in Denver, Colorado. We knew as soon as the boys received their bid that we would go - one final club soccer hurrah for Will as a player and for the rest of us as fans, alongside the opportunity for one final family road trip before Will headed off to college.

While the boys didn't have the tournament they'd hoped for, none of us regretted making the trip. Will played well and the three of us loved cheering for him from the sidelines, plus we had many memorable hours on the road, enjoyed time with our soccer friends while in Denver, played a couple of beautiful disc golf courses outside of Denver, and spent an afternoon hiking at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs on our way home. A part of me wished we could have stayed in Denver longer - our trip was relatively short and the time we spent there was jam packed - but another part of me felt ready to go...Will's departure was quickly approaching and I needed to get home to begin the process of preparing for his move to Iowa. 

My apologies these aren't in any kind of order. Somehow their dates were erased so "post in chronological order" wasn't an option...

Watching Will walk off the field at the end of his final high school soccer season nearly broke my heart. Despite the fact that they made it to the Elite Eight - farther than any team in school history - it felt like the season ended too soon...we just weren't ready. 

Watching Will walk off the field at the end of his club soccer season felt different. My heart was breaking, yes. But I felt closure I hadn't felt a couple of months earlier. He was ready. I was ready. And so we said goodbye.