High Five for T-W-E-L-V-E

Tomorrow she turns 12. 

I can hardly believe it.

~

I wrote the following paragraph in last year's birthday post: 

I had - no, I have - high hopes for 11. Her birthday celebration and the beginning of her year may not look like what we had originally pictured in our heads, but that doesn't mean the year as a whole can't still look and feel beautiful. I wish for her a year free from illness, injury, and health complications. I hope that when school eventually reopens, she finds her footing both academically and socially. And I pray she finds confidence as a student, growth as a dancer, compassion as a friend, peace with her changing mind and body, and strength as she navigates the complicatedly dynamic world around her.

I wish I could write in this year's birthday post that all my wishes for Hallie came true, but the fact of the matter is that they didn't. She dealt with her worst dance injury thus far as well as a challenging Tourette's "season". She returned to school, but never to her school building. And she struggled with the confidence, growth, and peace I hoped she would find.

But that doesn't mean the year as a whole didn't still look and feel beautiful. I will give thanks until my dying day for the gift of time this pandemic so abruptly and unexpectedly dropped at my doorstep. I was able to watch and listen and learn as she fought her way back from that injury, as she tackled virtual school with enthusiasm and a positive attitude, and about the person she wants to be as she goes back out into a world that looks and feels different than when she left it a year ago. I saw battles, internal and external and many more than seemed necessary for growth, but I also saw victory. And as we cross the finish line of the marathon that was this year, I envision her running through the tape with her arms raised high and wearing a huge smile...triumphant.

~

In honor of her 12th birthday and on her birthday eve, I decided to today share five reasons I love - and also admire, respect, and like - my girl.  

One
She doesn't want to grow up. More than anything else in the world, she wishes she could stay a little girl forever and ever. Unlike those who gaze longingly or even run enthusiastically toward the teenage and young adult years, she recognizes that she isn't ready for the freedom or responsibility that accompany those stages in life. I will never take for granted having a 12-year-old who still wants to spend time with me and whose choices trend toward the age she hopes to stay, rather than the age that awaits her just around the corner.

Two
She was born to create. To build from scratch, but also to dismantle and analyze and fix and repurpose and breath new life into all that was once glorious but has over time fallen from grace. She can see potential and beauty where others cannot, and she shares her vision of what could be...of what will be...of what is...in ways that make minds open and hearts smile.

Three
Her love language is music. She sings - beautifully - all of the time, but not just along with the radio or Alexa. She sings every word to every song she'll dance to in her upcoming recital. She sings along to television theme songs and commercials. She sings along with the birds when she's playing in the backyard. She sings to the kittens to calm them down after their baths. She sings the steps to her math homework because it helps her understand the process better and enjoy the subject more. (Here she is, singing and working on her summer math workbook three years ago.) She sings when she's happy, she sings when she's upset, and she sings to narrate the world around her. I used to wish I lived in a musical...a world in which people could (and would, given that doing so would be deemed socially acceptable) burst into harmonized song and choreographed dance at any given moment. I realized the other day that because of her, my wish came true.

Four
She gets back up, again and again and again. The last two years in particular have shown me just how resilient she can be when circumstances call for inner strength and a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. Many times the circumstances she has faced have gotten the best of me and in my frustration and even anger, I have offered her a way out...an opportunity to walk away. And each time she has chosen to lift her chin, put on a brave face, and stay.

Five
This past year has amplified her desire to do what's right because it's right, not because a rule has been forced upon her. Masks and social distancing and indoor activities and contact bubbles...she cares deeply about protecting those she loves and makes careful, calculated decisions to do so. Gender and race and religion and sexuality...she cares deeply about equality for and kindness toward those who are different than her and she is learning how to speak up when her voice is needed.

~

Nine years ago I began the tradition (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) of sharing a song - one that reminds me of her and encompasses what I hope for her as she grows older - with Hallie on her birthday. I usually know Hallie's songs by the end of the first time I hear them, primarily because they bring tears to my eyes. I had originally chosen another song for Hallie's birthday. But then about a month ago, Made for You by Jake Owen came on the radio, and as Hallie and I sat listening to the words, she exclaimed, "I love this song!" and then added, "I bet it's making you cry...yep, you're crying, just like I thought you would be!" And so Made for You became this year's song instead.

 

Water towers are made for hearts and names

Friday nights are made for football games

Fallin' leaves are made for fallin' in

Front porch steps are made for goodnight kissin'

And I was made for you, yeah I was made for you

Summer jobs are made for spendin' cash

Second dates are made for goin' fast

Early curfews are made for sneakin' past

Two AM was made for pissed off dads

And I was made for you, yeah I was made for you

Oh like a ship without a sea

Or a song without a melody

I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do

'Cause I was made for you

Smoky bars are made for "How 'bout a dance?"

Open roads are made for holdin' hands and

Laid back seats are made for young love

Two pink lines are made for growin' up

And I was made for you, yeah I was made for you

Like a ship without a sea

Or a song without a melody

I don't know where I'd be or what I'd do

'Cause I was made for you

Tiny shoes are made for tiny feet

My two arms are made for where you sleep

Sky was made for the moon and stars

You were made to steal my heart

And I was made for you, yeah I was made for you

My sweet girl, I know as confidently as I have ever known anything that you and I were made for each other. We were made to navigate this life together. To challenge one another and teach one another. To show each other what it means to accept and support and forgive. To make each other better daughters, mothers, women, humans.

Happy 12th birthday, baby girl. You were made to steal my heart.

Monthly Medley: March 2021

Reading 

This month I read The New Husband by D.J. Palmer. It started off slowly, but not so slowly I couldn't keep chugging along, knowing - or at least believing - that a twist would soon appear. A twist most definitely did appear, and from that point on I devoured this mystery. I hadn't previously read any books by this author, but I might search for another by her.

Watching
Tom and I struggle to find television shows to watch together. It's not that we don't enjoy watching together - it's that we have such different preferences with regard to what we watch. We have similar interests, views, and senses of humor in real life, but when it comes to television, movies, and podcasts we head in completely different directions. We did, however, find something we both like for the first time in quite a while: Away, a dramatic series starring Hilary Swank about the first manned mission to Mars. I am incredibly disappointed there is and will only be one season (something I learned just now, as I write this post), but Tom and I will still enjoy watching the 10 available episodes. And then we'll both complain about how every show we like gets cancelled before the storyline travels its full arc. 

Hallie and I finally crossed another romantic comedy off of our Corona RomComs list! After hearing a podcaster bring up Notting Hill as part of an conversation about Julia Roberts, I decided we would give that film a try. I had forgotten how much I love Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant, and pretty much everything about this movie; it definitely ranks in my top 10 romcoms of all time.

Listening To
At the recommendation of a friend, I started listening to Under the Influence at the end of February. This podcast is a "deep dive into the Mom Internet", a place where mom influencers control billions of dollars as well as how "regular" moms feel about their parenting, their homes, their lives, and themselves. It's FASCINATING. (And it solidified my lack of desire to ever pursue mom influencer as a career.)

There are a few podcasts called "Under the Influence" - this is 

the image to look for if you want to listen to this particular one.

Following

• First, check out Live from Snack Time (@livefromsnacktime) for "hilarious and wholesome kids quotes". This is an accurate description of this page, and it almost always makes me smile and remember the days when my own kids ask questions like things like, "what's so important about pants?"
• Second, follow El Arroyo (@elarroyo_atx) because...well, for all the reasons. El Arroyo is a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Austin, but those who don't live close enough to dine in or carry out still love following along as employees post funny, clever, and meaningful messages on their now famous marquee. (Oh, and there's also an online store at which to purchase marquee-themed items.) Here are a couple of my favorites:

Wearing
For years I have worn only Mizuno athletic shoes. I stumbled upon a pair I really liked close to a decade ago, and from that point forward I stuck with the brand because it seemed that just about every style offered worked for/with my feet (which made it easier to purchase shoes online and based on color, two of my favorite pastimes). For quite a while my mom has been encouraging me to try Asics, so from time to time I would try on a pair but they never felt quite right. Then earlier this month I took Hallie shopping for new athletic shoes; she needed a pair that would cushion the area of her foot she was still protecting as she eased back into dance. She tried on a pair of Asics (because she wears women's shoes now - hold me as I cry), and while she didn't ultimately choose that pair, they were cute enough that I decided to try them on myself. 15 minutes later I had finally broken my Mizuno streak. I'd also spent more money than I should have, but Hallie needed shoes, Mama needed shoes, and of course Will needed shoes too...

Trying/Using
Want to see my new Starbucks Easter/spring cups? I know you do...

Our existing compost bucket bit the dust, so I gave Tom the job of finding a new one. Compost buckets have come a long way since we purchased our last one 10 years ago, and I'm so pleased with what he found and chose - it's functional, saves space, and looks cute!

Eating/Drinking

• This One-Pot Creamy Kielbasa Tortellini as AMAZING. We ate in shifts the night I made it, which was lucky, because if I hadn't had to stop eating to save enough for Tom and Will, I probably would have eaten more than half of the pot. I made quite a few edits: I didn't measure (I only estimated) the spices, skipped the mustard (only because Tom had finished off the bottle the weekend prior), increased to 1/2 c. of peas to make it the tiniest bit healthier, decreased to 1/2 c. of heavy cream to make it the tiniest bit healthier, and used 1 c. of shredded cheddar because that seemed like plenty. Again, AMAZING.
• These Soft Peanut Butter Cookies were perfection. I decreased the brown sugar to a 1/2 c. and skipped rolling the cookies in sugar and they were plenty - no, perfectly - sweet. Make sure you don't overbake these cookies - they should come out BEFORE they start looking brown around the edges. A week after I made these cookies for the first time, after thinking about them at least once a day for that entire week, I had to make them again. No complaints from Tom, who had apparently also been thinking about them...

Feeling Good About

• The Love Fridge
• These sunsets tell amazing stories.
• Dad, How Do I?

On to April, my friends! Make it a good month!

High Five for Friday (4.2.21)

One
Last Wednesday I received my second dose of Moderna's vaccine. I could not possibly feel more grateful for SCIENCE, and for the many, many hardworking people who brought this and the other SAFE, EFFECTIVE vaccines to fruition in such a short period of time. The countdown to fully vaccinated (14 days post-second dose) is on!

Two
Middle school track meets have begun! Will's first meet was held last Thursday night, and was eerily similar to last year's first (and only) meet... Both meets were held about an hour away from College Station, against the same three (clad entirely in green) teams; both meets ran 90 minutes past their scheduled end time, which meant we didn't pull into our driveway until 11pm; and both meets were held on the night of a Cypress Grove spirit night at Double Dave's Pizza, which meant that Will and I ate pizza and pepperoni rolls for dinner at 11:15pm. Will didn't run the same events as he did last year, nor did he do quite as well as he did last year, so while he was disappointed about that, he still had a great time competing with and cheering for his teammates. 

This year's late-night pizza dinner pic.

Last year's late-night pizza dinner pic.

We had a second track meet just four days later, this past Monday night, and this one was held in town which made it so much easier on our afternoon and evening schedules. Will ended the night slightly happier with his runs, and I ended the night slightly happier because he was happy and because it only took us five minutes to get home when the meet finished. 

Apparently he's a hurdler now. I'm not a fan of hurdles...

Three
On Sunday afternoon, Hallie and I gathered - outside on what was perhaps the most beautiful day thus far in 2021 - to celebrate the impending birth day of a baby girl we can't wait to meet. Her mama is a friend of mine and her sisters are friends of Hallie's, and we were so grateful for the opportunity to show this wonderful family how much we love them during what felt like a small snippet of the normal to which we will hopefully one day return.

Four
After last weekend's two rounds of play, here is where our March Madness brackets stand:

Tom - 50 
Erin - 39 (as I mentioned last week, there's no possible way for me to win)
Will - 50
Hallie - 52

Five
Tonight Hallie will celebrate her birthday - which isn't actually until next Saturday - with her two besties. (They've always been her besties, but now they're also her bubble besties.) I handled pre-party shopping, decorations, cake, ice cream, and snacks; Tom is in charge of picking up dinner; and Will's only job is to stay out of the way. Bring on the late night shenanigans! (Not for me though. I'm so grateful these girlies are old enough that I don't have to stay up until everyone falls asleep and they don't get up at the crack of dawn. I'll bid them adieu somewhere between 11pm and midnight, and then I'll see them again at a reasonable hour in the morning.)

I Miss Her...Again

By the time Hallie headed off to kindergarten in the fall of 2014, she and I were both ready for her to go. She wanted more - both academically and socially - than what preschool could offer, and I looked forward to Will and Hallie following the same school schedule, one that would allow me a little more time to tackle my writing, projects around the house, and errands without an incredibly chatty kiddo talking my ear off nonstop.

I honestly didn't miss Hallie much at first. But as the days turned into weeks, I found that while I didn't miss her Monday through Thursday, I desperately missed her on Fridays. For two years, Friday had been "our day", and we always spent it together, just the two of us (since Hallie's preschool wasn't in session but Will's elementary school was), running errands and playing games and reading books and baking up a storm in the kitchen. 

The strangest thing triggered this realization for me... I was baking bread, as we/I often did on Fridays, and I happened to see the bread machine sitting all alone on the counter, without a tiny blond babe gripping the sides and staring through the hole so she could watch the bread-making process. She ALWAYS watched the bread machine work. (She also ALWAYS watched our baked goods in the oven - one time she sat and watched a pie bake for 48 straight minutes.) I felt the weight of her absence so heavily in that moment, knowing I would likely never see that sight again. 

So imagine my surprise when a couple of weeks ago I walked into the laundry room and saw this:

My heart caught in my throat, and then I had to both wipe away a tear and stifle a laugh. Turns out she still enjoys watching machines do their job, and I can probably count on seeing this or a similar sight at some point down the road.

Given that Hallie is home and around me all the time - and has been for a solid year - I don't miss Hallie herself all that much right now; I do, however, miss that little bit of a thing...

High Five for Friday (3.26.21)

One
The second half of our spring break was just as enjoyable as the first. We had one "fail" (I'd hoped to take the kids strawberry picking, but when I called the farm that morning to confirm - which they ask on their website that guests do - I was informed that all of their strawberries had died during Snowpocalypse 2.0), but other than that we took full advantage of our last five days off. Hallie had a (masked) playdate with a friend who moved away a couple of years ago but was back in town for a few days; we celebrated St. Patrick's Day by baking Irish soda bread, eating Shamrock cookies, and going SWIMMING (?!) with friends; Hallie had two private dance lessons to help her continue working her way back post sesamoid bone break; we worked in the yard; we watched lots of basketball; and we took our second day trip (more on that in a future post).  

We all wished for a second week off, but then we remembered what happened last year and decided we shouldn't wish for such things...

Two 

Seven months into fostering kittens, and this big buddy still isn't a fan. I think the pace at and manner in which kittens live life - fast and furious with little to no regard for the environment that surrounds them - along with their unpredictability scare him, and as a result, he prefers to just steer clear as much as possible. That said, he has s...l...o...w...l...y started tolerating their presence. He still doesn't like them, but he hates them less and is less afraid of them than before. Last week we captured this encounter, which ended poorly (such encounters ALWAYS do) but started off so sweetly and lasted longer than any they've had thus far. We continue to hope that someday Tux will find a kitten he loves, and that that sweet baby will officially become a part of our family.

They all rested together on Will's bed for a while
before Crocs started inching closer and closer to Tux. 

Crocs nuzzled into Tux's back, which Tux tolerated
for a few minutes, and then he decided he wanted
to rest facing Tux. This didn't go quite as well.

These two kittens head to their forever homes after being neutered today. We'll miss them, but we're looking forward to our next batch of babies!

Three

Speaking of kittens... Last week my friend Crystal called me with a kitten predicament. From the window of their company's office (somewhat out in the country), they watched a mama cat move three of her babies from a wooded area to up under a trailer they have on their property. I reached out to our kitten rescue, and they headed out to assess the situation and eventually rescued FIVE kittens AND their mama. I was thrilled Crystal thought of me when she needed a kitten resource, and so grateful we work with such a wonderful kitten and cat rescue organization!

Four

Last week (or the week before? Time means nothing anymore) Will's orchestra recorded their UIL concert and sight-reading session in the high school auditorium (because the stage and space are bigger). Parents weren't allowed inside, so I had planned to just drop Will off and then work in my car in the parking lot until he finished up and we could head to soccer practice. Turns out the high school parking lot is an internet dead zone for me - my phone could barely function, and because I couldn't use my phone as a hotspot, my computer could barely function either - so I decided to abandon work altogether and check out the many outdoor sporting events happening on campus. First, I took in an inning of softball from right behind the home plate. The game was a fast-paced one between Will's future high school and its crosstown rival, and I could feel the excitement radiating from the players, coaches, and fans. Second, I headed across campus to the soccer field, where I watched (from outside the fence because I didn't want to buy a ticket knowing Will would finish soon) the senior night introductions and the first quarter of a soccer game.

I'm not all that thrilled about Will starting high school, at least from the "he's getting so old and soon he's going to leave me" perspective. But ever since I left high school, I've loved high school events - games, competitions, concerts, shows - and I'm so excited to have a reason to attend them. I don't want to miss a minute of these next four years, so whenever Will will "allow" me to be there (and probably sometimes when he would rather I weren't there), I plan to show my support...decked out in the gear I'm already purchasing, of course.

Five

That first weekend was quite the bracket buster, wasn't it? Thanks a lot, Illinois and Ohio State... Anyway, here is any update on where all of our brackets stand after the first two rounds of games:

Tom - 38

Erin - 31

Will - 38

Hallie - 36

May the best Ferri win! (Though I'm already out - there's no way for me to win...)

Happy weekend, friends!