Tuesday, March 30, 2021

I Miss Her...Again

By the time Hallie headed off to kindergarten in the fall of 2014, she and I were both ready for her to go. She wanted more - both academically and socially - than what preschool could offer, and I looked forward to Will and Hallie following the same school schedule, one that would allow me a little more time to tackle my writing, projects around the house, and errands without an incredibly chatty kiddo talking my ear off nonstop.

I honestly didn't miss Hallie much at first. But as the days turned into weeks, I found that while I didn't miss her Monday through Thursday, I desperately missed her on Fridays. For two years, Friday had been "our day", and we always spent it together, just the two of us (since Hallie's preschool wasn't in session but Will's elementary school was), running errands and playing games and reading books and baking up a storm in the kitchen. 

The strangest thing triggered this realization for me... I was baking bread, as we/I often did on Fridays, and I happened to see the bread machine sitting all alone on the counter, without a tiny blond babe gripping the sides and staring through the hole so she could watch the bread-making process. She ALWAYS watched the bread machine work. (She also ALWAYS watched our baked goods in the oven - one time she sat and watched a pie bake for 48 straight minutes.) I felt the weight of her absence so heavily in that moment, knowing I would likely never see that sight again. 

So imagine my surprise when a couple of weeks ago I walked into the laundry room and saw this:

My heart caught in my throat, and then I had to both wipe away a tear and stifle a laugh. Turns out she still enjoys watching machines do their job, and I can probably count on seeing this or a similar sight at some point down the road.

Given that Hallie is home and around me all the time - and has been for a solid year - I don't miss Hallie herself all that much right now; I do, however, miss that little bit of a thing...

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