Today is Will's first day of kindergarten.
I have no doubt kindergarten will be a positive experience for Will. He craves a regular schedule and the structure an official school day will provide. He is desperately eager to learn more, and more, and more, preferably from "smart" people (smart = not his parents). He will benefit from classroom and playground interactions with kids with the emotional maturity he doesn't have yet.
That's not true. I have my doubts. Plenty of them.
What if another kid picks on or makes fun of him? What if he picks on or makes fun of another kid?
What if he is disrespectful to his teacher or bites a classmate and gets sent to the principal's office?
What if he has to eat lunch by himself or doesn't have anyone to play with on the playground?
What if he's picked last in gym? What if someone makes fun of his singing voice in music? What if he eats paste in art?
What if he's exposed to peanuts?
Tears are literally streaming down my cheeks.
I'm shaken from this sob-fest and redirected toward reality by the sound of doors slamming, Will roaring (which he does solely because Hallie hates it), and Hallie screaming (which she does solely because Will hates it). Their argument turns into wrestling match and then a knock-down, drag-out slap fight. I step in, separate the warriors, remind them that hitting of any kind is prohibited, and settle them in for five and three-minute timeouts.
It's not a pretty picture but it serves a lovely purpose, which is to bring me back around to where I firmly stood when I began writing this post.
I once again have no doubt that kindergarten will be a positive experience for Will. I am incredibly excited for him to begin this new stage of life, and to become an elementary school parent myself. (Don't tell the PTO, but I really like carnivals and book fairs and bake sales and choir concerts.) I just need to figure out how to quiet the "what if?" questions playing on repeat in my head.
Today's your day, my boy. Seize it. Work hard, be kind, and make your mama proud.