I'm Not Ready

Today Will starts ninth grade. NINTH GRADE. You know that means he's in high school, right? And Hallie - my BABY - starts seventh grade. Holy smokes...they DO grow up so fast. Time DOES go by so quickly.

                      

When Will and Hallie started school virtually (though Will's model was more of a hybrid since he attended cross country, basketball, and track practices as well as his athletics and orchestra periods on campus) last fall, I thought for certain they'd be back in their classrooms after the first or second six-week grading period. Instead, both kids ended the year exactly as they'd begun it: working in their bedrooms with their Chromebooks on their pajama-clad laps.

Last year wasn't easy, and this year won't be easy either. I'm nervous about Will and Hallie's transitions back to in-person school, to new school levels, and to new school buildings. I'm scared about sending them into crowded, indoor spaces with unvaccinated and/or unmasked kids and adults. And I'm sad about closing the door on yet another summer, knowing I only have three more with Will before he graduates from high school. Three is a heartbreakingly small number when counting down.

But they're ready to go back academically and socially - they want to be inside their school buildings, learn from their teachers in person, and eat lunch with their friends. And they're ready to go back with regard to COVID-19 precautions - both are vaccinated and will wear masks because our county...and state...and region of the country...have high levels of transmission. 

I'm not ready. But they are.

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This brings me to what I'm about to share: an edited and abbreviated version of a post that has appeared here multiple times before, always around this time of year.

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During Will and Hallie's baby and toddler years, I found the commonly uttered phrase "enjoy every moment" both frustrating and disheartening.

You've been there, right?

It's 10am. You've been awake for five hours, and in that time you've fed your children three times, been thrown up on three times, cleaned smashed banana out of the cat's fur, changed four diapers, wiped pee up off the playroom floor, rescued a Power Ranger action figure from the toilet, unclogged the toilet, and mopped up the flooded bathroom. You haven't eaten, showered, gotten dressed, or even brushed your teeth.

How many of those moments did you enjoy?

Telling parents - especially new parents, whose days feel like weeks and whose nights require superhuman strength to endure - to "enjoy every moment" often comes across, no matter how well-intentioned, as cruel. These new moms and dads love their babies tremendously, but they simply aren't enjoying every moment.

And telling new parents that kids grow up so fast and time goes by so quickly? Well, those lines sound like great big lies, because in their reality, the kids aren't growing up so fast and time isn't going by so quickly. If they're anything like me when I had an infant at home, new parents are wondering how it's possible their (according to the calendar) five-month-old won't head off to kindergarten in the fall because it feels like they've been caring for that baby for five years

Today Will starts ninth grade. NINTH GRADE. You know that means he's in high school, right? And Hallie - my BABY - starts seventh grade. Holy smokes...they DO grow up so fast. Time DOES go by so quickly.

This is all quite difficult to wrap my head around, considering it seems like just yesterday I quietly stewed - and then later cried in my car - when a woman at the farmers market tousled six-month-old Will's curls and exclaimed, "what a big boy! Enjoy every moment with him!"

Where am I going with this? To be honest, I didn't know the first time I shared this post and I still don't know now, years later.

What I do know is that telling parents - of children of any age - to enjoy every moment often makes them feel worse rather than better. I know that telling new parents that kids grow up so fast or time goes by so quickly often comes off as a cliche or even a lie. And I know that while the minutes feel like hours, the hours like days, and the days like weeks when those babies are teeny tiny, at some point the clock speeds up and you can NEVER slow it back down.

Don't worry about enjoying every moment. But try to enjoy most of them, because kids DO grow up so fast and time DOES go by so quickly, whether you're ready or not.